Contest

Ms. Maddalena raised an interesting question the other day in the comments for one of the lawyer posts about whether or not I will ever elaborate on my recent courtroom drama.

Not fucking likely.

But what does the truth really matter in the grand scheme of shit anyway? Not much. We all know that popular opinion is where the money’s made.

So I propose a contest, open to the public, to once and for all determine exactly why I was in court last week (based on some story I’m going to totally make up at a later date).

So if you have a good idea, an educated guess, or just some random fucking thought pops into your noggin’, go ahead and drop it in the comments.

Entries will be judged on accuracy, relevance, originality, humor, height, popularity, talent and swimsuit.

A distinguished panel of judges and I will pick a winner in each category and then an overall champion will be voted on by you during a live televised event this fall during sweeps week.

And what could the prize be for such a glorious achievement? You guessed it, a brand new car. A 2010 Chevy Camaro* to be exact.

So send in those guesses early and often, because your twisted opinion of me might just be enough to get you driving in style.

*Grand prize may be substituted at a later date by a swift kick in the balls or a punch in the left tit, depending on how the winner rolls.